Self-confidence may be one of the hardest things that humanity has ever had to endure, especially as time has gone by. Within the whole concept of self-confidence, you find the ideas or ideals of identity and self-worth. Those things are wrapped up in your self-confidence. And that many times is wrapped up in your feelings.

In today’s culture, that continues to grow worse. You have everybody and everything telling you what you should look like, what you should act like, how you should dress, and the kinds of things that you should like in every area of your life. That doesn’t include the things and people telling you who you should be, physically and in every other way.

Whether it’s from marketers wanting you to buy the newest, latest piece of junk or society trying to influence you because it is being controlled by Satan, Satan is the god of this world, you know (2 Corinthians 4:4).

In society, you always have the question of whether or not that picture is Photoshopped. Has that song been auto-tuned? Has that video been edited? Is that thing real or AI? What’s real, and what’s fake? And is this the standard that I’m supposed to live up to?

It doesn’t matter if you’re a girl, a wife, a boy, or a man. The world has an idea for all of us, how we’re supposed to act, and the words we’re supposed to say. There are all these ideas and standards set forth by the world that create an identity and a set of values that affect our self-esteem and create or destroy our self-confidence.

You hear the stories about the kids who committed suicide because they were bullied and teased and thought that they had no self-worth, and it breaks your heart. But what is just as bad are the people who bullied them, who bought into the lie that the way they act is acceptable, approved of, and the proper way to act. It’s sad that we live in a society that tolerates that idea, but not only tolerated, but has given it a space where it can flourish.

What do I mean? Ask yourself: Where does someone’s self-esteem and self-worth come from? For most, it comes from their peers, society, or family. What is this song telling me I have to do? What is this movie telling me I have to be like? What is this TV show setting a standard for that I have to live up to? What are my friends telling me I have to do and say so that I can be accepted? What is society saying a real man is? Is virginity really that important? What idea did my parents buy into that they’re trying to pass on to me?

Is accepting everybody for how they are really in the best interest of that person, let alone society?

Is there really truth, or is it all relative? Is there something that is true all the time, no matter what, or is it true some of the time for certain people in certain situations?

Self-esteem and self-worth are rooted in identity. What is your identity? Where does your identity come from? Does your identity come from your gender? Does it come from your “sexual orientation”? Does it come from your family? Does it come from your friends? Does it come from the music you like? Does it come from the sports you play?

Who are you, really? How do you know that’s who you are? Where did it come from? The answer to these questions will help define your self-esteem and your self-worth.

If how you see yourself fluctuates or is based on something that can easily be dismantled, then your self-worth will fluctuate as well. Your self-esteem will have highs and lows. It will be tossed around just like a wave by peer pressure and media coverage.

There is a truth about self-esteem and self-value.

The truth is that self-esteem and self-value are lies. I said they are lies. Your self-esteem can fluctuate and change depending on how you feel. Do you feel worthy? Do you feel happy? How are your emotions today? Did a boy just break up with you? Did the girl in the hallway tell you that you’re ugly? Did the guys in gym class laugh at you?

Here’s the truth: your value, your self-esteem, and your identity have nothing to do with you. I said they have nothing to do with you. Whether you believe these things is up to you. Your identity, your value, and your self-esteem are, or should be, based on God, not you. He created you. He formed you. He knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb. And not only does He know you, He came to the earth in the form of a man to die for you. But it wasn’t just any death. It’s not like He walked on the street and got hit by a car. It wasn’t just the kind of death that is the standard norm that you hear on the news every single day.

No, the death that he suffered was one of the most gruesome and painful ways to die that has ever been conceived by mankind. Skin was ripped off all over his body—from head to toe—so that even before He died, you couldn’t tell if He was a man or not. The Bible calls it death. Today, if it were to happen, we would call it torture. But that’s not all He did. If that’s all He did, then He didn’t really do that much. It wasn’t just dying. Dying was only part of it. Not only did He die, but for three days and nights, He stayed in Hell where the real torture began. Tortured and tormented, not by any man and their sadistic thoughts, but by demonic spirits. The punishment that was intended for you and me was taken on Him. And when those three days were up, He took the keys to Hell, took them back from Satan, and then gave them to us.

God, who is your creator, is the one who gives you your identity. He gives you your value. He gives you your esteem. The trap is that we believe all three of those things come from those around us—whether they call themselves your family, your friends, your peers, your society, or even yourself.

Our identity comes from who God says we are because He is the one who created us. He says that you are His beloved creation. And He welcomes you into His family to not just be His creation, but His child.

And He says that no matter what you say or do, He still loves you, and your value is worth the death of His son. Your value is beyond anything that this world has to offer. Your worth is so immeasurable that all the gold in the world combined would not even come close to doing you justice.

Self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth. God is the one that gives you your worth—no one else, including you. The world has created this idea that your self-esteem, your value, and your identity are anything and everything except what God says, and in doing so, it has destroyed people. People don’t know or don’t believe, and it creates a reaction that is detrimental and destructive to ourselves.

There are a lot of voices screaming at you about who you should be and every other thing we’ve already talked about. And if those voices continue and you keep listening to them, it will affect you. You need to silence as many of those voices as possible. And then you need to have a voice that is much louder—declaring the truth. You need the voice of God—what He says—His Word—speaking into your life as much as possible. That’s how it gets louder. It gets louder from hearing it more. And then it starts getting louder, not just on the outside, because that’s not really what changes things.

It gets louder on the inside, and that’s where the real change begins. Renew your mind to the Word of God (Romans 12:2). Choose to listen and accept what God says instead of what everyone else says. And you will see the change in your life. Stay with the Word and the Spirit.